by Jennifer Bowman
Now, when writing, you're supposed to incorporate various forms of arguments to prove your point, whether it be deductive, inductive, ethos, logos, pathos, etcetera, yadda, blah.
What I just did was, in proper terms of language, thought and writing, "wrong". I'm supposed to linger on some boring, slightly humorous quotes that are intellectually appealing to an argument I'm about to make.
However, this time, I wasn't going to wait around two or three paragraphs to get to the point. It's not fair to you, the reader, to make you sift through mindless babble to get to such an important point as this.
Of course, now you want to be convinced. That's the problem with starting out with a bold, blunt comment like that. People just don't accept the fact that I'm obviously smarter than they are and they should listen to me no matter what I say. But no, this is a good thing. Now I get to make my point.
I start with an assumption that you are all good, decent, moral human beings with a tendency towards conservatism and religion. This is the audience I write for. It is you who I serve. So while my purpose is to sway you towards an opinion I hold dear to my heart, I cannot be offensive to my audience, lest I make you guys angry. And though I live a good 400 miles away, you'd be surprised how far people will go just to revolt against someone who's made them mad. Especially in politics.
Okay, first of all, this is perhaps the most important election in your lifetime. The President you choose will affect a number of factors in your future and your children's future as well. George W. Bush has consistently done what he believes, and I believe, is for the good of the country. He's responsible, trustworthy, and respectful. He supports pretty much everything I support, and agrees with me on several key issues dear to my heart. He's against abortion, for freedom, for the middle class, and for people in general. You can try to blame him for something specific (My gas is too expensive. Bush did it, not Opec and the other companies who actually buy and sell the oil! My kid failed English. Bush did it, not my Internet-addicted, slothful, lazy child who never does their homework! Someone in Iraq died today. Bush did it, not the terrorists with the AK-47s that they acquired from who knows where! I got pepperoni pizza and I ordered plain ...) but in the long run, history will show that Dubya really has caused more good than bad.
Another popular argument technique is attacking the opposite issue. Some people claim that it is possible to make a case without doing that, but they are wrong, so wrong. If a flaming liberal pro-Kerry Democrat happens to be reading this right now, they're not going to care that women are now starting small businesses at a rate of 2-1 compared to men. You have to say something that will affect them.
Okay, let's go. I recently learned from a "W Stands for Women" rally that Senator John Kerry and Senator John Edwards -both- showed up at the House of Senate to vote against the partial-birth abortion act, as well as Conner's Law, which says that a pregnant woman's murder count as two separate murders instead of one. A rare event for them to show at all, I was astounded when I learned that they voted against these two acts, especially when they try to maintain some odd, pseudo-conservative aura about them. They try so desperately to be Republicans without angering the far left crowd. They claim to be Christians in some crowds but blatantly oppose some of the most basic, fundamental ideals of the Christian religion in others. Sadly, the Democratic political party has become so horribly liberal that hypocrisies surround them.
Jenna and Barbara Bush, who were guests at this rally, requested that we get out there and vote. A sinking feeling came upon me in the midst of my adrenaline rush. I AM ONLY SIXTEEN. I CANNOT VOTE. So I'm doing everything in my power to get those of you who can vote to reelect President George W. Bush. Please, do it for me. I asked nicely.