If I were President.
It is hard to find a voter who is happy with the Republican or Democrat choices to run for President of the United States of America. Even the sitting President is losing mainstream support with a socialist agenda being rammed down their throats. The Republican poster child isn't fairing much better. He too being rammed to the point of puking. Obama promised change but didn't say how he would pay for it. Romney promises change for Obama's change but doesn't say what those changes will be or how he will pay for them. As always, it could cost even more money to change back the changes.
Both candidates are big on promises but short on answers. Both are continuing the charade of being presidential without having principles. Neither actually stand for anything but being President. Neither will come clean with their principles for fear of upsetting a potential supporter. It has been proven to them that voter numbers over integrity and principle gets you in the White House. Voters don't even expect the truth from their presidential candidates so are immune from it when they hear it.
In theory, once he is elected, a President could then be open and truthful to his nation, as one did when he said he didn't like broccoli. If I remember correctly, it took the nation by storm, and was unsettling to many people. For a President to be 'for or against' a vegetable somehow didn't seem presidential and he was scorned, yet we at the same time expect him to act decisively on national issues.
I would not be a popular President if I were sitting in the Oval Office because I would always be painfully outspoken. So here are the promises I would make if I were.
If I were President I would make it mandatory to vote. If you didn't you would be required to pay the same 50% tax rate as foreign nationals working in this country. If you were caught voting illegally you would be banished to California forever. If you tried to rig an election you would be summarily executed.
Yes, executed as a traitor.
If I were President I would make it mandatory for law enforcement to use profiling to help solve crimes. If you are seen wearing a striped tee shirt, black mask and carrying a pry-bar, you should have your cavities searched.
Old people with chronic arthritis should not be considered a terrorist threat, but I would make it mandatory for any TSA staff thinking they should, be reassigned to cavity search Muslim Clerics and their disciples traveling from Pakistan. I would also make it mandatory for all government officials, including the TSA, to pass through a full body scanner at least once a year and the images posted on the internet to prove they weren't the least bit embarrassing. Any wishing to opt out would have the choice of an intimate body search done by an old person with arthritis.
If I were President I would make it really illegal to be in the US illegally. Every person found here illegally would get the cost to deport them deducted from the aid their country receives from the USA. I think that alone may solve the illegal immigration problem. All persons emigrating to the US legally, would be required to become citizens. No dual citizenship, no permanent residents or green cards so you can use the social services, become a full blown American or don't come.
I would also ban being French. No French language, no French bread, no French wine, in fact no French anything. Any American found to be a French sympathizer would be banished to California for ever. Although I don't think there will be many in that category.
If I were President I would ban political correctness apart from when dealing with the French. If a black man uses the "nigger" word himself, then it would not hurt his feelings for him to hear it from someone else. It has now become popular for African Americans to use the "n" word during everyday conversation, so who are we protecting? It would also be okay to say limey, polark, chink, jap or kraut. People would revert to being called fat, lazy and short. Bible thumper and rag-head would also be acceptable descriptions. Anyone convicted of being politically correct would also be exiled to California where everyone thinks they are an actor or a model anyway.
If I were President I would make marriage between a man and a women the only form of marriage recognized by the states. Except in California where all cross matches would be acceptable apart from unions with the French and the Baldwin brothers. The French would only be allowed to marry artists and the Baldwins could marry each other.
If I were President I would remove all indoctrination from schools. All lessons would be vetted for political and social agendas. History would be taught as history recorded it. Creationism and Darwinism would be taught side by side, apart from in California where the Actors Guild will be responsible for keeping religion out of schools. California will also be allowed to have elementary students arrested for terrorism by the neurotic teachers banished there from other states.
As President, my first order of business would be to ban full grown men that have not been surgically altered, from wearing a helmet or Spandex while riding a bicycle. Punishment for doing so will result in being banished to California and compulsory roller skating lessons.
Because I have a soft spot for California, I would make California the only state where you could legally consume marijuana and broccoli.
So folks, if I were President it might not improve the country's financial stability but at least we would know in which state all the bleeding heart liberals live.
That's what I think. What do you think?
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