The Oil Crisis
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.
Our oil is located in: Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Wyoming , Utah, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania and Texas.
Our dipsticks are located in D.C.
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, His wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?'
The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, 'That would suit me just fine!!'
Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.
Come Thursday, the swelling had gone down a bit and he could see her a little, out of the corner of his left eye.
I Won The Lottery
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my Goodness! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'