The bronze rat
A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?" "Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman. The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster. A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward the Bay. Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown. "Ahhh," said the owner, "You have come back for story?" No sir, I came back to see if you have a bronzed Democrat.
Fat shoplifters on the rampage From correspondents in Johannesburg July 29, 2004
A GANG of oversized women shoplifters has been terrorizing shopkeepers and supermarkets in the South African port city of Durban over the past two months, police said. The gang targeted stores in the city's crime-prone business district and diverted security staff with "commotion" while others packed their bags with goodies, Inspector Michael Read told AFP from Durban. "Size is a factor in that they use it to intimidate the staff," he said, adding that the women operated in gangs of between four and 10. "The modus operandi is that some of them pick up a mock fight or cause commotion while the others fill oversized bags with clothes. They usually target clothes shops and cosmetic outlets and then sell them to streetside vendors at cheap prices." Read said "several arrests have been made but some of these women are still at large." Security staff of shops in the area had been tipped by police to watch out for large women shopping in groups, he said. The phenomenon started five years ago in Durban but came to a stop with the arrest of an all-women's gang, known as the A-team, according to provincial police director Bala Naidoo.
This report appears on NEWS.com.au.
On a tour of Alaska, the pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains for some sight seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" T-shirt, and a tree hugger Hat, was struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10 foot grizzly. As the pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from the bear. Then using long clubs, the three loggers beat the bear to death and hauled it to their truck. Immediately the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that that is not true." As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," another replied, "he's in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom." "Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God's wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting..... By the way, is the bait holding up okay or do we need to go back to town and grab another one?"