Computer tech help.
This is the actual dialogue of a former Microsoft Word Customer Support
employee (now I know why they record these conversations)
"Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word." What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in Word, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have
a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into
it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."
"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power....... a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when
you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too fricking stupid to own a computer."
Listen up salesmen!
A bright young guy from Cleveland TN. moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager says "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Mississippi."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow, I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down, "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says "one."
The boss says, "Just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day!
How much was the sale for?
The kid says "$101,237.64"
The boss says, "$101,237.64? What the heck did you sell?"
Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook, then I sold him a medium fish hook, then I sold him a larger fish hook, then I sold him a new fishing rod, then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"
The kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."