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Going Senile
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
Jesus is Watching You....
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice, "JESUS is watching you." He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What in the world was that?"
He spots some money on a table and takes it. Once again he hears a voice, "JESUS is watching you."
He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it!
He goes over and asks, "Was that your voice?"
It said, "Yes."
He then says, "What's your name?"
It says "Moses."
The burglar says, "What kind of person names his bird moses?"
The parrot replys, "The same person that names his Rottweiler, Jesus."
Husband Happiness
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
So, how bad is the econmony, really?
Jury Duty is now considered a good-paying job.
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
My ATM gave me an IOU!
McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children.
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