Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida .
Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It's a win-win situation.
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
+ Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve?
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool."That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es' ."
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No, said another, he's just for good luck." A third brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a 'Handywoman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50, and handed it to her.
"Thanks, and by the way", the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."