On the ball
The human anatomy & physiology instructor at a small university had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, he asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young woman in the rear raised her hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor, who was also a blonde suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail so our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.
A fellow was joined at the bar by a beautiful woman who soon presented the man with an offer. "I'll make your dreams come true," she whispered, "for a hundred and fifty dollars." "That's a lot of money," the guy pointed out, admiring her voluptuous body. "I'm worth it," she assured him breathily. "For a hundred and fifty dollars, I'll act out any fantasy. In fact, I can make any three words come true. Just dream them up, baby." "Any three words? For a hundred and fifty dollars?" The man's voice grew husky. She nodded, reaching up to caress the back of his neck while he considered the offer. Finally he leaned back with a big smile and announced "It's a deal!" and handed over a hundred and fifty dollars. What would you like me to do, She said. He leaned over and whispered, "Paint my house."
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all went to an antiques store and saw a mirror. The lady working at the store said, "This is a magic mirror, you must say something true and if it's true you can make a wish and it will come true. If it's not true you will disappear." The blonde, red head, and brunette bought the mirror and took it home with them. First the red head walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world." Poof, she vanished. Then the brunette walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world." Poof, she disappeared. Then the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think...." Then Poof, she disappeared.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officers says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5000, and the interest, which is $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5000?" The blonde replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"
The Mexican firefighter became the proud father of twin boys. He named the first one Jose and the other one Hose B.