Free sex

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon Bubba pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, if he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
Bubba guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, Bubba, along with a buddy, Billy Bob, pulled in for another fill-up and again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Bubba guessed 2 this time, the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3, you were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, Bubba said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Billy Bob replied, "No it ain't, Bubba, it ain't rigged, my wife won twice last week."

Only in America

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......

They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?".
Jose says, .... "Look at your sign, what does it say"?
Carlos sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'."
Jose says " No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars"
Carlos says... "So what does your sign say"?
Jose shows Carlos his sign......
It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

My thoughts on Aging

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
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