1. You Are Different And That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
6. All Cats Go To Hell
7. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
8. Some Kittens Can Fly
9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
11. Strangers Have The Best Candy
12. You Were an Accident
13. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
14. Pop! Goes the Hamster... And Other Microwave Games
15. The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan
16. Your Nightmares Are Real
17. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
19. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
The seven-year-old told her mother that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing," said the little girl, "he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
The five-year-old wanted to caddie for his dad. You've got to be able to count my strokes," the father said to the boy. "How much is six plus nine plus seven?" "Five," the boy said. "Okay," the father said. "Let's go."
Poem for Valentine's Day.
"Thank you for the flowers you sent", she said.
And sweetly smiled, and coyly turned her head.
"I am sorry for the things I said last night,
I was so wrong, and you were right.
Please forgive me?" she said with a kiss.
So I forgave her, this chance I could not miss.
And as we wandered through the moonlit hours,
I stopped and thought.
"What bloody flowers?"