An elderly woman went to her local doctor's office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you're 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?" The woman replied, "They help me sleep better." The doctor considered this for a second, and continued. "How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice, and I sleep better at night."
You Were There With Me
Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him. "You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?" "What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself. "I think you're bad luck."
From the Bristol Evening Post: London
Outside Bristol Zoo is the car park (parking lot), with spaces for 150 cars and 8 coaches. It has been manned 6 days a week for 23 years by the same charming and very polite car park attendant with the ticket machine. The charges are £1. per car and £5. per coach. On Monday 1 June, he did not turn up for work. Bristol Zoo management phoned Bristol City Council to ask them to send a replacement parking attendant. The Council said, "That car park is your responsibility." The Zoo said, "The attendant was employed by the City Council... wasn't he?" The Council said, "What attendant?" Gone missing from his home is a man who has been taking daily the car
park fees amounting to about £400 per day for the last 23 years! Total sum just short £2.9 million.