Murphy's Lesser Known Laws:
-Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
-He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
-Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
-Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
-The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
-If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
-The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
-Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
-The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
-A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
-When you go into Court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assassin position -- two men and one woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said. "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent replies "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Lawyers Questioning Witnesses...
-Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
-The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
-L: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
W: That's me.
L: Were you present when that picture was taken?
-L: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
W: I used to be.
L: How many times have you committed suicide?
-L: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
L: And these stairs, did they go up also?
-L: What happened then?
W: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
L: Did he kill you?